Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
