I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
