dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
