A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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