I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
