Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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