How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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