I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize