Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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