I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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