just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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