theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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