Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
