Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
