birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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