they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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