Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
