we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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