ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize