Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
