Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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