were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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