Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
