We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
