I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
