You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
