you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
