You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
