Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
