i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize