I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
