at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
