I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
