Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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