I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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