I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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