if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
