you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
