she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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