Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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