he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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