Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
