hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
