you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
