Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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