i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
