So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize