Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize