I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
