I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
