he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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