some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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