when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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