i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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