she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
