Got a toothbrush?
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
