508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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