I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want her autograph on my taint
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
