What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize