i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
