There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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