so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
