I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
