Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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