he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Acid is not a monday night drug
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
