Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Be still, my beating vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
