I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Small penises have feelings too.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
