I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
